Observation Journal Day 1 Morning Eight-legged creature observed stealthily moving across carpeted dining room floor in classic seek-and-destroy pattern. Infiltrator classified as arachnid. Wily but ultimately inferior arachnid incarcerated within glass cell (Pyrex vase). Arachnid is interrogated; refuses to divulge base secrets. Status: Healthy. Legged. Dangerous. Should not be underestimated. Afternoon Interrogation continues; arachnid remains silent, but raises leg in defiant, threatening manner. Status: Healthy. Despite outward appearances, morale may be flagging. Unable to penetrate Pyrex barrier. Night Arachnid's true guile and powers of deception are realised during ensuing scenario: Arachnid is seen in classic curled-up fetal death position. Pyrex vase is tapped in order to determine if subversive rebel is indeed devoid of life. Cell barrier is raised investigatively. Arachnid bides its time, then stealthily casts off deception and scuttles for exit. Benevolent biped captor is immensely startled; Pyrex defences are dropped. Arachnid scuttles into corner, obviously well-aware that circular vase is incapable of fitting into said right-angled recess. Captor is mortified, but cunningly utilises nearby footwear as arachnid prod. Arachnid is re-captured. Same mistake will not be made twice. Status: Hopefully starving. Day 2 Morning Cheezel is introduced into cell's confines rapidly and efficiently. Arachnid appears to be on hunger strike; will not eat Cheezel. Status: Suicidal. Afternoon Arachnid attempts futilely to employ "play dead" deception once more. Pyrex is tapped with extreme caution; hastily-adapted aerosol can, now flamethrower, is kept in preparation for escape attempt. As predicted, arachnid springs to life upon shifting of Pyrex cell. Benevolent biped sneers at puny arachnid. Vile prisoner raises leg in trademark intimidating gesture. Benevolent biped is able to remain calm and concerted. Arachnid's attempt at intimidation fails. Status: Certainly starving. Still defiant. Night Arachnid is discovered to have six legs. Hasty inspection of Pyrex cell reveals single leg on floor. Captor wonders if arachnid has eaten own leg in desperation. More detailed search reveals that "single leg" is, in fact, two legs which appear to have detached together and are connected by a joint. Captor is disgusted, yet unphased, by gruesome display of bravado. Status: Arachnid now possesses four legs on right side and two on left side. Legs either appear to have fallen off or been detached by arachnid in order to demonstrate "incredible pain tolerance". Day 3 Morning Woodlouse is introduced to captive's living space to test captive's current level of health. Captive lunges viciously at confused woodlouse. Woodlouse nimbly avoids six-legged creature and sneers. Proceeds to consume discarded legs. Status: Woodlouse is very healthy; arachnid less so. Interrogation is not getting anywhere. Afternoon Glass cell is removed in order to deal with second arachnid, possibly a rescue unit. Woodlouse and first arachnid infiltrator are utterly destroyed with rolled-up sheet of wood fibre. Corpses are disposed of. Rescue unit is skillfully and swiftly captured. Status: Interrogation of first arachnid infiltrator terminated. Interrogation of second arachnid infiltrator begins... No spiders were harmed in the production of this textfile. If it makes you happier to believe that. 1997 (probably)